Progress, People, and Problems
4 Simple Lessons
You ever get hit by a simple truth that smacks you so hard it leaves you grinning and groaning at the same time? These four lessons are like that. I’ve been carrying them with me through prison, parole, detention, and all the messy bits of trying to stitch my life back together.
And now, I want to share them with you… because the good stuff doesn’t mean a thing if it stays locked inside your head.
Here’s what I’ve learned, along with 5 questions to make you pause, reflect, or even squirm a little, the kind of questions that keep you honest with yourself. Are you ready?
1. Oil on the Canvas
Life doesn’t change in one heroic leap. You don’t need to fix everything in a day, rewrite your whole story by Friday, or prove yourself in one grand gesture. You just need to put a little oil on the canvas. One page of writing. One walk. One conversation you’ve been avoiding. Slowly, quietly, relentlessly, it adds up. That’s how masterpieces and lives… are rebuilt. Keep reaching for the paint brush.
Reflect:
What’s one small action you could commit to today that would move your life forward?
2. Help, Heard, or Hugged?
For years, I thought my job was to fix things. Before they even told me what the issue was and finished their sentences, I was already planning the solution in my brain. Turns out most people just want someone to hold the space, not the steering wheel. Now, when someone comes with something heavy, I ask myself: do they need help, to be heard, or a hug? You’d be surprised how often it’s not the fix that they’re after.
Reflect:
When someone comes to you with a problem, do you listen first, or rush to fix it?
3. Looking Through Prison Bars
Two people look through the same bars. One sees mud. One sees stars. I’ve been both. Some mornings, the mud feels up to your throat, heavy and endless, and it’s all you can do to keep your head above it. Other times, when you least expect it, a flicker of light cuts through the darkness… a smile, a kind word, a moment of stillness… and suddenly the sky opens up.
Perspective doesn’t change what life throws at you, but it changes who you become while facing it. Seeing the stars isn’t about pretending things are fine. It’s about remembering that even in the darkest moments, there is something to reach for, something to guide you forward. It’s about choosing to notice the beauty, the hope, the small victories, even when everything else is muddy and grim.
Stars don’t erase the mud. But they remind you that you are still breathing, still standing, still capable of moving forward. They remind you that even behind bars… literal or metaphorical… there is possibility. There is light. There is you.
Reflect:
How could you shift your perspective today to see the stars instead of the mud?
4. Don’t Accept Angry Gifts
Anger is contagious if you take it. If someone hands you theirs… insults, bitterness, frustration… you don’t have to accept it. I learned the hard way. Now? I let it drop. Let them mind their own parcel. Freedom means not carrying what isn’t yours to carry.
Reflect:
Who in your life is offering you anger you don’t need to carry?
5. Check Yourself
Freedom, progress, and connection start inside. All of these lessons… showing up, listening, perspective, protecting your energy… they only work if you do a quick self-check every day. Ask yourself the hard questions, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Reflect:
What’s one honest question you could ask yourself today to keep moving forward?
Unshackled Takeaway
Put a little oil on the canvas.
Ask what people really need.
Choose the most helpful perspective you can.
Don’t accept anger you never asked for.
Keep checking yourself daily.
Simple. Not easy. But freeing.
Your Turn:
I want to hear from you. Which of these lessons hit you hardest? Which question made you pause or squirm? Hit reply or comment and let me know… your answers might help someone else read this with a little more hope, a little more clarity, or even a laugh.
We’re building this Unshackled community one insight, one reflection, one honest answer at a time. So don’t just read. Engage. Share. Think. And put a little oil on your own canvas today.
Stay Unshackled, My Friends,
Stephen
Disclaimer
As most of you know, I’m currently in Immigration Detention. Any mentoring or support I offer… whether to my fellow detainees or to people beyond these walls… is given freely, with no charge attached. I don’t accept payment for mentoring, whilst I am in custody. The real “reward” is seeing the effort the lads put into becoming the best versions of themselves. My commitment is simple: that anyone I work with here leaves stronger, wiser, and better than they came in. That’s the whole point of rehabilitation, isn’t it?
Now, a quick note for clarity. While voluntary donations (mostly from family and friends) sometimes come in through this writing platform to help me get by, they’re never expected, never required, and never a condition for access. Everything I share… words, support, encouragement… is available to everyone, with or without a donation